also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
