You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Verdict: uncircumcised.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
