He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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