I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
