What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
