How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
