She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
