I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'm both gender and math confused
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
