Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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