so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
my liver is dry heaving
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
