I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Houston, we have a blender
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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