I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
