i just sent this text using only my big toe
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
