My balls are so social today.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
