are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
