My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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