Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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