God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
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Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
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So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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