We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
It's official drugs can't kill me
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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