I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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