weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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