i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
