he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
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She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
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Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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