Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
