There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
