the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
