Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
