got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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