i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
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I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
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Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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