so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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