I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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