Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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