All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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