I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
