Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
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So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
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drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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