i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
