Your dad touched me again.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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