In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
