____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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