Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
