I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
