You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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