he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
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I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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