$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
