I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
