Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
