Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
