It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
