Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
