Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
