i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
