dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize