This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
