Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
