Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
