wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
you win again, gameday.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He did a backflip because drugs
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
