someone get that fucking seahorse.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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