So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
