you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
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Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
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Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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