She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
