Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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