if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
